November 23, 2025, Dusk

Sensing your felines around after they’ve gone on to their next life seems to be a natural activity at dusk, at least in my experience. I took some notes on my thoughts on this particular day and wanted to share them with you because I know others have experienced similar things. 

November 23, 2025, 4:30 p.m., dusk

The shadows fall over my back yard when sun still washes the hills around. Things dance in the dusk. Small evening breezes cause bits of movement, Mr Sunshine’s flower spins just a bit. Birds flit from tree to tree, take their last snack at the feeders before they settle down in a protected spot to sleep. Human sounds of daytime fade as the shadow silently slips higher on the hill opposite.

I sense, but don’t see, quite a bit happening here now. The neatness of my upper garden with its raised beds and brick paths gives way to the disorder where it’s gone unused, and the greater part of the yard which I let go intentionally, to let things happen on their own and discover them.

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I composed those two paragraphs out in my garden at that time on that date, walking the paths of my garden and around my back yard, lookinga t all the places and spaces that held memories, using the voice-to-text feature on my phone. I’m so grateful I can capture my thoughts that way, so that I can share them with you, and with me. I carry a notebook around with me expressly to capture my thoughts about the amazing felines who’ve gone to their next lives, but that’s not always practical or even possible to use.

The garden is not just for food

My garden has been a contemplative space for me practically since I established it the spring after I moved here. Beginning with the brick patio outside the basement door then continuing with the main brick path through the center of the garden, it was the first place I’d go outdoors just about every day after cats’ breakfast and my coffee, just for a quick visit or hours of garden or creative work, and of course accompanied by a feline or so.

The space seemed to capture their spirits over the years. It’s one of the reasons I hold the space so dear, though I’ve certainly enjoyed its many bounties of food and inspiration through the years. I think that’s one of the reasons Mimi found it necessary to take her energy in her last few months to lead me out there and put me in a position to revive it before she left. And that’s why I started heading out to my garden with my morning coffee the day after I’d lost Mimi in August 2024. Before even cats’ breakfast I walk the paths, sense all the sights and sounds and smells, and sit in the chairs I’d set up for her and Mewsette and me to remember, contemplate, write. Work time in the garden comes later.

I’ve continued that since then. I also visited the garden at various times for a break and more contemplation, occasionally mid- or late afternoon with my herbal tea through the summer and early autumn, and photographing the late summer and early autumn changes after we’d lost Mr. Max. I could always sense feline presences out there, flitting about like the birds in the trees. Always Mr. Sunshine’s flower would move even just a little, like a greeting, despite its continuing disintegration.

In my collection of stories titled Little Visits the last story tells of walking into my bedroom when it’s dusk to nearly dark and sensing many cats in the room, unseen cats, but well remembered. In October, with more time after vendor show season was over and the days growing shorter I visited the garden daily for that break. Dusk came earlier and I found myself outdoors during that magic time of day, twilight, and the sense of felines was more of a steady presence, and often quite a strong presence, always my most recent seven losses. I talked to them, I visualized them on those paths and in the dim light I could almost see them there, whether it was my visualization through memory or their actual presence. It didn’t matter, I found it very comforting.

And as I appreciate the deepening darkness, I remember the lines of a poem:

He goes on to describe and discuss his surroundings and the lives of those buried under all the headstones around him; he is not alone, all the town’s citizens and all their lives are there. I feel myself and all who are in my garden are together, just us in this space, isolated from the world by the darkness around us.

Now I take my late afternoon-evening coffee out there. Sometimes the sky is still bright just after sunset though the yard is dim. Sometimes it’s full dark already by the time I get there, especially if it’s an overcast day. Some days the sense of them is barely detectable. Other days I expect them to bump up against my legs. And over time I’ve also sensed the garden cats from prior years, and even those who never visited the garden here. It’s been very healing.

I still sense them around the house too, and see one of them out of the corners of my vision at least once a day.

Ideas for the future

I had wanted to take that brief text I’d recorded and develop it into…something. An essay, video, photos, art, a book? I don’t know. At some point I will. But for now I just wanted to share this daily experience.

I have two other more involved experiences in the back yard from early summer and from autumn that are more extensive and will take more time, time that I want to give them. So though they may seem out of sequence, I always have a little more time in January and February for more complicated projects as they will be, including learning new/old software to achieve what I want.

And in your losses, recent or past, I hope you find a space where you can reach those beloved animal companions in some way. Love never ends.

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A few other prior garden cats who aren’t pictured above: Peaches, Moses, Stanley, Sophie, Sally.

 

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The text in italics is from my conversation with myself as I walked around the garden. I use the Notes app on my phone on voice-to-text to record my thoughts. Usually they are scattered thoughts with maybe a sentence here and there. This time they were fully formed paragraphs and I was so glad I could catch my thoughts in that way. I carried around a small journal from the day I lost Mewsette in June 2023 because there was so much in my head, but I can’t write fast enough to keep up with my thoughts in times like that.

 

Thank you for following our grief journey after losing seven members of our feline family.

I hope sharing our experiences have helped you in some way, as sharing my experiences with you helps me.

You can read all the articles related to their loss by tapping the images in the side bar and in articles.

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Also read articles about Pet Loss and Pet Loss in the First Person, where I share my own experiences.

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Click above to read and listen to Little Visits.

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