A Part of Me Will Follow You
I’ll just start with this, for both Jelly Bean and Mewsette, and for me.
It seems like so long ago, the last time I posted a week and a day ago today to say that we’d be losing Jelly Bean.
It’s the anniversary, to the moment, of when he left us last Wednesday, July 26, his and his siblings’ 16th birthday.
It’s been a rough week, but I feel like it’s time to come back. It’s been pretty quiet around here. Me and his mom and brothers and fur siblings are all okay. But we will never be the same.
I’ll be telling you more about Jelly Bean soon. It was three weeks before I could write about Mewsette, and I didn’t get to finish her series before I lost Bean. I have been journaling my thoughts about losing Jelly Bean and I find myself not so much talking to him as I did with Mewsette at first as I am talking about him. But I was already primed for loss, and I think a part of my reaction to losing Jelly Bean was influenced by still grieving Mewsette.
But I’ll have just as individual a post or more about Jelly Bean because he was completely an individual cat, sweet, gentle, eyes twinkling with joy and possibly some little trick tucked behind his white spot. But also the nature of providing palliative and hospice care so soon after losing another, guilt at possibly missing things while providing hospice for another, and then losing him too. And the complications and guilt of financial issues.
And other news, including those kittens, home renovations and the many changes around here.
Thank you for all your sympathies and good wishes. Until then, purrs are still welcome.
The final accounting, so far…
From April 2022:
- Mr. Sunshine was first seen at PetWellClinic for lethargy, unsteadiness and big things on his belly
- Mr. Sunshine’s care at PetWellClinic and PVSEC before his diagnosis changed in July
- Mewsette’s care and diagnosis in August
- Jelly Bean’s trip to Rivers last August
- Mr. Sunshine’s multiple trips to Rivers and PVSEC in the autumn and to PetWellClinic for regular blood pressure checks ongoing
- Sienna at PetWellClinic for a UTI in January
- Morty to MedVet for a urinary blockage in February
- Giuseppe to MedVet in May for hypertension diagnosis
- Mewsette and Mr. Sunshine to Animal Friends for ultrasounds in May
- Jelly Bean at Companions First in June and at PetWellClinic and Rivers in July
…not counting medications and prescription foods, costs totaled $5,994.00 paid out of my accounts, and $1,000.00 on my Care Credit card, $900.00 still owed to MedVet.
I am grateful for straight donations of $1,568.00, and those of you who purchased things to help me cover costs came to about $600 because a few people purchased original art as well as other merchandise. Outside of that, HCMT paid upfront for some expenses at Companions First for both Mr. Sunshine and Mewsette, and Hearts and Paws paid $300 toward Jelly Bean’s appointment at Companions First, I paid only the balances from that which is included in my total above.
- Mimi has been brewing a UTI, which she does now and then, and it’s understandable in this stressful time for her. And she just turned 20 and that’s not uncommon at her age. I have all the palliative things to nurse her through but she might need to see a veterinarian for a culture if it is bad enough.
- Giuseppe has not had any follow-up to his hypertension diagnosis in May.
- I also remember that Mr. Sunshine’s ultrasound report said: “We discussed problem 6 (mass on spleen) could be the primary lesion of problem 7 (metastatic liver disease) or there could be some other mass we just haven’t found yet. Overall the prognosis is poor but, currently, the patient still has good quality of life. Offered referral to Oncologist, owner declined. Problem 5 (Renomegaly/Small kidney) is likely due to Chronic Kidney Disease (F) with the right kidney compensating for the more advanced left kidney. Recommend early kidney support diet and renal bloodwork every 3-4 months.”
This is a difficult predicament to be in considering my current income status, and I am concerned that something will come up and I have no resources at all. Thank goodness for Social Security, though catching up with utilities and making payments on credit cards and payment agreements adds up to more than that. I sold a little more at the farmers market this past weekend so I think I’ll continue to keep up that momentum and keep going. I have Rock the Quarry at the end of this month and often have good sales there, but I also need to invest in post cards and materials for prints and merchandise specific to that event in order to at least break even. Pay is better at part-time and full-time jobs now, but most offer just a few hours a week, just enough to lift me into another tax bracket so that removes any actual income. It’s something I’ve worked with all the years I’ve been self-employed.
Finally moving forward with Custom Pet Memorial Votives
One thing I’m finally getting to, or am finally ready for, is to specifically market my Custom Pet Memorial Votives to veterinarians and other animal professionals. I had planned a mailing because I know that would give me a better and possibly more permanent return of customers for the investment, but that’s just not in the budget, and it’s not going to be for a long time. I’ll be going with email, which is better than nothing.
I’ve also made a few extra decisions along the way that made me hesitate to start and I’m actually happy for those. Some veterinarians wanted to hand out brochures to their families, but the brochure I invested in last autumn for AAFP is a wholesale brochure with different information. I still have a stack left and I have added a post-it to each with retail-specific information. When I get the chance I’ll print one brochure that can serve both.
I’ve also changed the ordering procedure to one that’s more versatile for customers’ needs and more manageable for me. I’m grateful for the customers and friends who helped me experiment with that until it worked well.
Up until I lost Mewsette I really didn’t think I’d lose any of them. But the possibility kept me at a distance from actively promoting the votives for thinking about the conversations I typically have with people about losing their animal companions and addressing my own fears of loss. Now, I’m ready for that. Each Sunday at the farmers market people notice the votives and we talk. It’s become much easier. Now I know I can follow through with conversations and orders.
Start your holiday shopping early?
I wasn’t able to work out this year’s new ideas because of the costs of purchasing new materials for them, but I still have my usual offerings. And now that I’m back in my basement studio—and I know that water isn’t coming back—I can actually work much more efficiently and I can “refill” some of the product categories that have been empty for a while.
Anything that comes in—donations are nice but purchases are great too—goes toward their care.
A friend pledged to cover Morty’s prescription foods until I can get him back to the veterinarian for some blood tests so we can find out more about his particular condition, and all of them need to eat. I want to keep them all comfortable in whatever way is best for each cat.
- Consider a Custom Pet Memorial Votive for yourself or a family member or friend. Remember that they don’t actually have to be memorials—a votive with someone’s pet on it while they are very much alive is also a nice custom gift!
- Visit www.PortraitsOfAnimals.net.
- I still have plenty of feline garden flags, and now I can finally start printing more.
- I have one of each of the Tortie Girls block prints and one of Awakening, all are matted and framed
- And consider even a small portrait of one or more of your fine felines.
- If you choose, I also have a donation button on this page on this website. And if you did want to donate, my Paypal address is bernadette @ bernadette-k . com and my Venmo is @Bernadette-Kazmarski. And thank you for caring, whether you buy something or donate or not.
If you have any questions, please let me know! And thanks for any help.
Gifts featuring cats you know! Visit Portraits of Animals
Fine Art • Photography • Gifts • Greeting Cards • Books • Commissioned Portraits & Artwork
Jelly Bean inspired a lot of original ideas, photos and art. I will always be grateful for his gentle and good-natured guidance. Read more and purchase.
Copyright
All images and text used on this site are copyrighted to Bernadette E. Kazmarski unless otherwise noted and may not be used without my written permission, although links to your site are more than welcome and are shared. Please ask if you are interested in using and image or story in a print or internet publication. If you are interested in purchasing a print of an image or a product including it, check my animal and nature website Portraits of Animals to see if I have it available already. If you don’t find it there, visit Ordering Custom Artwork for more information on a custom greeting card, print or other item.
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Weekly schedule of features:
Sunday: Essays, Pet Loss, Poetry, The Artist’s Life
Monday: Adoptable Cats, TNR & Shelters
Tuesday: Rescue Stories
Wednesday: Commissioned Portrait or Featured Artwork
Thursday: New Merchandise
Friday: Book Review, Health and Welfare, Advocacy
Saturday: Your Backyard Wildlife Habitat, Living Green With Pets, Creating With Cats
And sometimes, I just throw my hands in the air and have fun!
No matter how old they live to be, it is never long enough. XO
So sorry to hear about Jelly Bean. Bernie and I send love and prayers to you. Losing a Family Member is so hard. We know their lives are shorter, so we try to cram as much love in that short time. Jay
Thanks to you and Bernie, Jay. Even if they lived as long as humans it still wouldn’t be enough.
Cannot imagine.
But I empathize.
Like living through two earthquakes in a row.
Hugs and purrs.
I hope you can always just imagine it and never have to know. Thank you so much for the hugs and purrs.
Seven years ago this month, I had two of my precious three felines cross the Bridge, one after the other. It wasn’t entirely unexpected since both were elderly with health conditions, but that didn’t make it any easier. It was devastating. Sending you love.
I’m so sorry for that, and I understand their age and health doesn’t make it make any more sense, or ease the loss itself.
Back in September 1996, my orange boy Allegro was diagnosed with advanced lymphoma and I began palliative care, and two days later I lost the cat who rescued me, my Kublai, after a year-long decline from we never figured out what. Two weeks to the day later, Allegro died of his lymphoma. Kublai was 16, Allegro was only 10. Parts of life stopped for me, and the experience changed me.
A decade later I lost my four oldest cats in one year, and then six months later I lost 15-month-old Lucy to FIP. She was one of Mimi’s kittens from a prior litter when Mimi still lived with the neighbor, and that was when Mimi and these four kittens came to me. Up and down.
In 2012 I lost my tortie Cookie in February and Kelly in August, they were 20 and 19. With a big feline household it happens, and it’s never easy.
there are times when even the trouterz are at a loss for words, and with your loss of both mewsette and the bean, and so close together, this is one of those times~~~~~ so, we send hugs and loves, and hope it helps a bit❤️
Words fail me too. I think that’s what hugs and loves are for. 🙂 We appreciate those too. Thanks for stopping by.