Little Visits

portrait of black cat on floor
Are You Looking At Me? pastel, 17″ x 22″, 2005 © B.E. Kazmarski

This is the third and final article in the series of articles about my cats visiting me in a spiritual sense, a collective of individual instances through the years.

. . . . . . .

Working in my office/studio one evening, I heard the door of my refrigerator open—you know how you recognize these everyday noises—and I didn’t think too much of it. Until I remembered that I lived alone and I had not opened the door myself. I slowly turned my head to look into the next room where the refrigerator was plainly in view, and the door was indeed wide open, and…Kublai was standing right in front and looking over the contents.

Kublai, my first black kitty, was a real creative thinker, and between his strength and able mimicry of my movements—opening windows and doors, pulling lids off containers—and my tiny refrigerator, he just decided he’d open it one evening and help himself to the contents.

If I’d had a video camera he surely would have won a prize for the way he’d flip open the door, stand there with all the other cats ranging behind him and say, “Humph”, his message: “There’s nothing good in here to eat.” Well, I was a vegetarian, but he was also a feline garbage dispose-all and stopped at absolutely nothing. He’d eat cooked carrots as well as anything else. He’d eat the plastic they were wrapped in as well.

This was cute and funny, but also a great worry since it could be fatal if the door swung shut with him or one of the others inside. A new refrigerator was out of the question because of space, so I tilted it slightly forward so the door would not swing shut if opened, and added a bungee cord wrapped around from the side to hold the door shut for, oh, at least four years. Sometimes I would forget the bungee cord, and the door would always be open the next time I entered the room. I think he gave it a try several times a day just for the heck of it.

A few months after I’d lost Kublai I finally decided to rebalance the refrigerator, replace the seal and remove the bungee cord. None of the other cats was inventive enough to try to open it. One day soon after, I returned home to a wide-open refrigerator door and laughed, the first good laugh without a twinge of sadness, simply knowing Kublai had gotten one over on me. I’d been thinking about him all day, smiling at all the incredible things he’d done.

How did I know one of the other cats hadn’t opened it, or it hadn’t simply fallen open on its own? I didn’t. I didn’t have any proof, but I trusted my intuition, which Kublai had helped me to hone. I knew he’d been here for a visit, and he knew how hard it still was to face my home without him here.

. . . . . . .

Taking their places again

sketch of two cats
Two in Sun and Shadow, charcoal and watercolor, 9″ x 6.5″ © B.E. Kazmarski

From the time I’d moved into this house I’d had a foster cat in the spare cat room, right on the landing between the bathroom and my bedroom. I’d visit the spare cat and dole out some more food right before I went to bed. When sweet and humble Moses, serious about her food having been a few hours from death by starvation, caught on to this and for one of the very few times in her life looked right up at me, pleading, I gave in right away and gave her a few pieces of the spare kitty’s dry food.

When the rest of my household discovered Moses’s clever initiative they quickly convinced me they should all have a midnight snack, choosing places in a circle around me. Hmmm, a circle of eager, hungry cats and just me at the top of the steps…their expressions were all so dear that I quickly grew to look forward to the midnight snack. It turned out to be a great idea because they’d all come to bed and settle down for most of the night and was one of the things that brought this group of cats, and me, so close together. Initially there were six, but my household grew to nine, and often included fosters after their time of quarantine. I doled out the food on the wooden floor you see in Kublai’s portrait, above; the spare cat room doorway is to the left, Kublai’s spot was pretty much where you see him on the floor.

I actually lost Kublai and our orange boy Allegro two weeks apart. They were nearly my first losses, I had had no idea Allegro was ill, could barely mourn Kublai who’d been like my life partner, and was totally lost. I was still doling out the nightly snack though it was a constant reminder that two of the nine were missing, and the remaining seven had begun to fill in the open spots.

A few days after Allegro passed I was getting the container of food and visualizing all nine of them on the landing behind me, actually forgetting there were now only seven. I turned around to see they’d arranged themselves as they always had before any losses leaving Kublai’s and Allegro’s spaces open. I was surprised to see they weren’t there, then I remembered, then I smiled. “Thanks for stopping back, boys, I’m glad you’re still together,” I said.

. . . . . . .

Light as thistledown

pencil sketch of cat in bag
In the Bag, pencil © B.E. Kazmarski, inspired by Sally

Sally had pure white long hair, was genetically deaf and as free as the wind. She awoke every morning, gathered all her abundant energy and made every moment of the day the best it could possibly be, never spending time on what she didn’t have or couldn’t do. I lost her at 15 to cancer.

thistle seeds
“Let Go”, photo © B.E. Kazmarski

As I got into my car after work a few days after I had had Sally put to sleep, a thistle seed borne on the wind by its long white down flew past my face, circled around in my car, then flew out the passenger window, and I had the strongest sense of Sally being near me. She was on her way to another life, still the beautiful free spirit she’d been with me, carried where life took her.

With all the time I spend on trails and outdoors I encounter more than my share of thistle seeds and usually they are just thistle seeds, but every once in a while I still enjoy a visit from Sally as she spins and whirls around my head, sometimes landing near me before again taking flight, borne on the wind.

And sometimes I see a white pouf drifting up to one of my windows, gently brushing against it or becoming lightly tangled in the screen, under my porch roof, on my second floor, places where it’s not easy for a thistle seed, borne on the wind, to get itself into, but she finds her way to me.

. . . . . . .

The hummingbird

two cats on picnic table
Namir and Cookie supervise the back yard from the vantage of their picnic table.

On the Wednesday afternoon one week to the approximate hour after Namir’s death, Cookie and I went out in the yard to remember him since we three had enjoyed much time together out there. I hadn’t sensed him around at all, not seen him out of the corner of my eye, not forgotten that he had died and went looking for him, all very strange for the cat with the big personality who had monopolized so much of my time with his hypertrophic cardiomyopathy.

Cookie jumped up on the picnic table before I even got down the steps from the deck. At 17 Cookie was very dignified, but not known for her speed. She knew exactly what we were doing.

As we sat there, I heard behind me familiar buzzing and slight chirping sounds, though I couldn’t place them until I turned around and saw a female hummingbird visiting the bergamot, newly blooming right next to the picnic table. I normally have groups of hummingbirds visiting my feeders and all the geraniums and other attractive flowers in my yard, but this year it was July and I hadn’t seen a single one yet.

bergamot flowers
Bergamot flowers © B.E. Kazmarski

In most cultural and spiritual traditions, the hummingbird is known to be a messenger. While it is bound to the immense needs of its body to supply enough nourishment to support its high energy activity, it still transcends this burden to find joy in each day as they always spend some time in play and even seem to play practical jokes. It has adapted to reach far into a flower to find its nourishment, and so we must learn to reach far into ourselves to fulfill our needs. These tiny birds migrate a huge distance, and so tell us that we must persevere, no matter the conditions. Their wings beat in the symbol of infinity.

I was so happy to see the little bird, admiring her olive green against the deep red of the bergamot. But it took me a minute or two to realize it was Namir visiting us, as all my other cats had done in one way or another, to let me know he was free of his limitations, that I needn’t worry about him any more. No human but me knew all the health burdens Namir carried; like the hummingbird he had transcended the weight of his body in life, and now in death.

She soon left the bergamot to hover around the yard—in all the places Namir had loved so well for observing wildlife. As I pondered the deep significance of this visit I heard a scuffle in a tree and I saw her being chased by a sparrow in the air above the yard. The hummingbird had apparently annoyed the sparrow, probably poked in her behind her as Namir had once poked Cookie and run away laughing. I laughed. How like Namir. As she sped off, the sparrow in hot pursuit, I whispered to the sky, “Bye, guy.”

. . . . . . .

At Twilight

pastel painting of a cat on a bed
Afternoon Nap, pastel © B. E. Kazmarski

But my favorite visit is at the end of twilight, when the sun has gone down and the only natural light is that reflected from the sky back to earth, the twi-light being the mixing of day and night together. In this half-light the human eye, strong on color, can barely distinguish shapes from the dim background and the veil between day and night seems to thin as does the veil between this world and the next.

I carefully walked through my bedroom to turn on the lamp on the other side of the room, but just as I reached for the lamp I simply felt lots of cats in the room with me. This was no surprise, I’ve always had six or more, usually nine, and they often follow me as I do things and also hang out on the bed in my room.

But while I could actually see and hear the cats who’d followed me into the room, I glanced around the room to see what other cats were also there. They shifted around and I couldn’t focus clearly on a single one, though I could swear there’d been more than one on the bed…I stood there, not focusing my eyes on anything but simply sensing that I was sharing the room with a good number of my feline family, past and present, on the bed, on the windowsill, on the floor, even rubbing on my legs in the darkness near the floor.

This last light fades very quickly no matter where you are at this time of day. Full darkness came in just a minute or two, and with it all our visitors faded and left, leaving only my current family settling on the bed for a bath and acting as if nothing unusual had happened; for them it was likely a typical occurrence. I turned on the light and thought about the last few minutes, glad I’d been able to experience it.

And I have again a few other times through the years, always in the same conditions of deep twilight. While one might think I’d plan to be there at that magic time of day every day just to be with them again, it really doesn’t work that way; even when I’ve come a little early and realized the time was soon and I would wait, they don’t show up on a schedule.

But when I have no inkling of the desire, when I am emotionally ready, I sometimes find myself walking through the softened shadows of my room, and sense all around me my precious companions as if they’ve planned that I would appear at exactly that time, when the edges disappear, the veil thins, and in those few moments when day and night mingle, so does past and present and our loved ones can once again share an existence with us, however brief.

. . . . . . .

Also read:

The Balloon

Taking Sally Home


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Bernadette

From health and welfare to rescue and adoption stories, advocacy and art, The Creative Cat offers both visual and verbal education and entertainment about cats for people who love cats. From catchy and creative headlines to factual articles and fictional stories, The Creative Cat provides constant entertainment and important information to people who love cats, pets and animals of all species.

6 thoughts on “Little Visits

  • Pingback:The Creative Cat - Memories at the Picnic Table

  • November 1, 2013 at 5:23 pm
    Permalink

    Always nice to read your views and hear about the kitties who came before.
    There is much we do not understand about that time of leaving this realm and entering the next.
    It may be short or lingering. I like to think that they stay around long enough to make sure we are OK
    and possibly help guide a new kitty in our direction.
    Our sadness( or grief) leaves us a bit vulnerable and open to so much, and we are more receptive.
    Interesting to think about these things 🙂
    Nancy and the kitties

    Reply
  • October 31, 2013 at 6:47 pm
    Permalink

    I have loved and lost many cats and have had visitations also. Bitter-sweet. I have awakened to feel what I think is all 10 of my cats on the bed, only to look and see no living cat in the room. I have heard my Prettykins (a tripod) thumping up and down the hallway at play, years after she had to leave me at 16 years. Be Blessed and have a blessed Samhain.

    Reply
    • October 31, 2013 at 8:22 pm
      Permalink

      Thank you, Walksalone. I love your descriptions and appreciate your sensitivity to the spirits. I love the visits–it’s one of the things that reinforces my ideal of a feline family, and a continuum of cats instead of distinct groups–they are still with us, even those long-ago cats. This is especially a wonderful season.

      Reply
  • October 31, 2013 at 10:23 am
    Permalink

    I always feel so much peace after I read your stories about your cats, all of them, but especially the ones who have passed on to the other side. right now I am trying to understand if the cats spirits do reincarnate and come back? I have read so much about this subject and know it is speculative. I was wondering what your thoughts were?
    Just continuing to miss my Abby girl. Today is the 80th day without her. Although I know she came for a visit this past Sunday. She jumped up on the couch I was on and knocked over my cup. My husband saw and “heard” it too. It was amazing, wonderful, and sad all at the same time.

    Reply
    • October 31, 2013 at 10:42 am
      Permalink

      Angel Abby, I’m so glad my stories help you. It also brings peace to me to share them, even after all these years.

      I think, like people, most do reincarnate, and sometimes there is a drifting before their spirit is ready to come back. Moses, for instance, always felt like an “old soul” to me, very experienced, and I never expected to hear from her again; after a brief visit, I did not. Allegro, as I’d mentioned in yesterday’s story, was very apparent in Namir, especially at the beginning, though Namir was four, not a kitten. As Namir grew older, Allegro’s spirit faded as I guess he felt he’d finished his first existence. I lost Sophie in November 2006 and the Fantastic Four were born the following July, and I have always identified Mewsette with Sophie, I just felt her spirit there. So I guess it’s not as clear as I had always thought it was, but life is like that!

      I’m so glad Abby came back to knock over your cup! what better way for you to know it was really her? I understand the mix of feelings–the first several times Kublai appeared again I cried, it felt so unfair that I knew he was there, I could practically see him especially by the actions of the other cats, but I couldn’t touch him and it felt so cruel, I just wanted one more hug. But it was a lesson for me to learn, to accept what was and not what I wanted.

      Keep remembering Abby, she knows how you feel, and I hope someday you can make something of all your experiences that will help to comfort others. My best to you!

      Reply

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